Random Thoughts, by Jack Handey

by **momadance** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 17:32:48

It is just too hot to go running today.

by **pacino** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 18:24:01

td11 wrote:
td11 wrote:i guess i'll start this paper now that i've backed myself into a corner and have an hour to do it.

college!!!

27 minutes late. goddamnit. i hope she doesn't notice.

you paid for this, yes?

by **Werthless** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 10:18:11

Hugs are better when paid for

by **Bill McNeal** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 11:19:35

I made my company's leader board for April

by **Bakestar** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 12:28:43

LOL at party names (PDF)

by **Bill McNeal** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 14:05:20

Bakestar wrote:LOL at party names (PDF)

Halfway down page two

When defendant refused to make her whole, she filed her
complaint.

So just so I get it straight, the sacks refused to make the dongs whole, so she complained. ok got it.

by **Bill McNeal** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 14:22:16

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

# (703): i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf

(402): Houston.. we have a drinking problem..

(978): you're drinking in the law library????
(978): ...not a bad idea....
(508): probably not a good idea either.

(760): can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
(760): oh geez, wrong person.

(703): Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.

by **Woody** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 14:32:09

(818): Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.

by **Houshphandzadeh** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 14:33:11

They're made up, just like that "I hate my life" page.

I peeled a carrot for the first time yesterday.

by **The Dude** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 14:36:08

you're really into veggies lately

by **Houshphandzadeh** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 14:37:04

I suck at exercising so I figure I should eat healthy.

by **Houshphandzadeh** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 14:40:00

I'm also buying a houseplant today.

I'm all growns up.

by **CrashburnAlley** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 16:21:33

Seems like the fact that I updated my CareerBuilder resume (with insignificant changes, mind you) makes me more appealing to potential employers than actually having the necessary qualifications.

"So, you have a degree, lots of experience, you were a good student, and you are involved in your community."

"Yes."

"...but when was the last time you updated your resume?"

"Uh, last week or so."

"Oh, wow. When can you start?"

by **The Dude** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 16:45:28

For anyone that's ever used a touchscreen/tablet, do you know of any programs that will automatically measure a line if someone draws it on there?

by **Phight On!** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 17:53:31

Target is a poon magnet and with weather like this... let's just say I've been there 4 times since Sunday.

I would never cheat but it's sure fun to look and every year shorts get skimpier and skimpier.

It's just not fair. When I was growing up it feels like chicks wore clam diggers and granny panneys. Now they wear shit so short that their ass cheeks hang out and so tight that I might as well be deaf because I can read their lips. Even my pharmacist- who might be the hottest pharmacist in the world- bent down to check something yesterday and her lacy pink thong was hanging out. That's going to be in my mental spankadex for a long time. In fact I would have McGrawed it as soon as I got home if we didn't have company.

by **Bakestar** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 18:03:11

Phight On! wrote:Target is a poon magnet and with weather like this... let's just say I've been there 4 times since Sunday.

I would never cheat but it's sure fun to look and every year shorts get skimpier and skimpier.

It's just not fair. When I was growing up it feels like chicks wore clam diggers and granny panneys. Now they wear $#@! so short that their ass cheeks hang out and so tight that I might as well be deaf because I can read their lips. Even my pharmacist- who might be the hottest pharmacist in the world- bent down to check something yesterday and her lacy pink thong was hanging out. That's going to be in my mental spankadex for a long time. In fact I would have McGrawed it as soon as I got home if we didn't have company.

This is the greatest thing I've ever read. Ever.

by **TenuredVulture** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 18:23:07

Bakestar wrote:
Phight On! wrote:Target is a poon magnet and with weather like this... let's just say I've been there 4 times since Sunday.

I would never cheat but it's sure fun to look and every year shorts get skimpier and skimpier.

It's just not fair. When I was growing up it feels like chicks wore clam diggers and granny panneys. Now they wear $#@! so short that their ass cheeks hang out and so tight that I might as well be deaf because I can read their lips. Even my pharmacist- who might be the hottest pharmacist in the world- bent down to check something yesterday and her lacy pink thong was hanging out. That's going to be in my mental spankadex for a long time. In fact I would have McGrawed it as soon as I got home if we didn't have company.

This is the greatest thing I've ever read. Ever.

One of our trolls should post it over on Metsrefugees.

by **TenuredVulture** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 18:25:13

One problem with duplicate bridge is you really need 12 people to have a decent game. However, most of the other players are elderly, which means they are often in poor health, or don't want to drive in bad weather.

So, yeah, I'm bummed out that tonight's game was canceled.

by **td11** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 23:16:47

Phight On! wrote:Target is a poon magnet and with weather like this... let's just say I've been there 4 times since Sunday.

I would never cheat but it's sure fun to look and every year shorts get skimpier and skimpier.

It's just not fair. When I was growing up it feels like chicks wore clam diggers and granny panneys. Now they wear $#@! so short that their ass cheeks hang out and so tight that I might as well be deaf because I can read their lips. Even my pharmacist- who might be the hottest pharmacist in the world- bent down to check something yesterday and her lacy pink thong was hanging out. That's going to be in my mental spankadex for a long time. In fact I would have McGrawed it as soon as I got home if we didn't have company.

by **Houshphandzadeh** » Tue Apr 28, 2009 23:17:26

Hall of Fame post right there

I'm stealing the reading lips line asap

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Random Thoughts, by Jack Handey