But if you speak to your pet in the pet's language, the truck with the padded walls will come and take you away.

Baby talk. If you're an adult, speak like one.

Also, people with Chris Wheeler disease, meaning they tell you what others may be thinking. "The dog is thinking 'give me some water.'" "The baby is thinking 'I want some of what she has.'" Fuck you.

when people say they are raising money "for {any kind of} cancer"

cancer doesn't need your money, kids

Oh my god yes

so tired of online registrations

I have to register with the Red Cross website to set up an appointment to give blood at my work ffs

as if I won't have to fill out a whole new set of forms while I'm down there

I'd just go ahead and call the whole thing off if I were you

thinking about it. kind of enjoy needles but oddly scared of giving blood

"talking out loud"

i.e. a malapropism for "thinking out loud"?

Barry Jive wrote:i.e. a malapropism for "thinking out loud"?

yes

I say "we'll burn that bridge when we get to it" instead of "cross that bridge... " but I do it intentionally.

I like that, reminds me of a Unicorns lyric

Me too

i alternate between "burn" and "jump off"

WheelsFellOff wrote:I say "we'll burn that bridge when we get to it" instead of "cross that bridge... " but I do it intentionally.

you stole that from me.

I like to say "Every time a door closes, a window slams down on your fingers."

TomatoPie wrote:

WheelsFellOff wrote:I say "we'll burn that bridge when we get to it" instead of "cross that bridge... " but I do it intentionally.

you stole that from me.

Well, you Musta stole it from me cuz I made it up many decades ago. Around the time I discovered the breakfast burrito.

A rolling tone crushes Kate Moss

The home plate ump calling check swing strikes that aren't

When a person is diagnosed with a debilitating disease or cancer and someone inevitably says "God has a plan, he is a loving God". I know their intentions are good but I still want to punch them in the face.