never took a shit in high school, but would use the shitter to piss to read from our poet laureate. this anonymous young man was not only a lyrical genius but quite prophetic in his writings.

if i could get the delorean in good enough shape to go that far back in time, i'm copying those, taking credit for them and publishing them. i'd be like famous or something.

Uncle Milty wrote:

The Shithouse Poet strikes again!!!

while i'll admit it wasn't the greatest shit in the world, the analytics nerds will undoubtedly crucify the shit to toilet paper ratio in this latest affair.

after round two, they may have a point. i clearly can't sustain this ratio the rest of the morning let alone the rest of the day with out running out of toilet paper.

Those are outrageous estimates. Need to conserve at time's like this. 1 square is all you need.

this latest shit took out at least 3 days worth of tp. the more i wiped, the more shit there was. gotta figure out the secret to the "immaculate dump" aka the clean free wipeless ones.

if not, someone pm me heyeaglefan's address. i know that fucker's got his basement, garage, shed and rv filled with it. probably got plenty of other stuff too, but i can improvise. power to the people!!!!

I had a roommate who showed us how he would only use one piece. He would fold it and wrap it around his finger. I was just like WHY? I only use two pieces usually though. 70-80% of the time I wipe and there is nothing. It didn't use to be that way, but I changed the way I sit on the toilet and it changed my life

Monkeyboy wrote:I had a roommate who showed us how he would only use one piece. He would fold it and wrap it around his finger. I was just like WHY? I only use two pieces usually though. 70-80% of the time I wipe and there is nothing. It didn't use to be that way, but I changed the way I sit on the toilet and it changed my life

is this some technique picked up in your worldly travels to more advanced cultures than ours? please elaborate.

i imagine our capitalist system and those multinational toilet paper companies want to keep this information under wraps.

i figure this is the all-encompassing ass thread. i have a hemorrhoid to end all hemorrhoids. mercy

Preparation H, sanitary pads and scissors. Cut size to comfort. Don’t be stingy with the H. By Sunday you’ll be fine.

azrider wrote:Preparation H, sanitary pads and scissors. Cut size to comfort. Don’t be stingy with the H. By Sunday you’ll be fine.

You probably should specify what to cut.

had to read it a few times myself. it's not painful or itchy (knock on wood) just huge.

no excuse to take this shit lightly.

H that mutherfucker into oblivion.

not to steal rp's thunder... but for those spending money on those colon cleanse and bowel treatments, don't.

300 mg rockstar, proably a buck fifty at the supermarket. one of those in the AM.... your coworkers won't see you till lunch.

might be something you should consider rp. it's probably best that nothing hard comes out of your ass for the time being.

ReadingPhilly wrote:had to read it a few times myself. it's not painful or itchy (knock on wood) just huge.

how's the ass treating you, did you take my advise?

i think a good case of the roids is the beginning of middle age. i had them for a little bit around 36 or so. i haven't had them since. probably shouldn't knock on wood here myself. don't know if they operate in the same way as volcanoes or not.

still the size of a super ball sliced in half. still not bothersome except for a little flare up when i hit double digit miles on my walks. i haven't put anything on it. i was naive about how big they can be. i assume (hope?) it just goes away at some point.

ya gotta ice that up after the double digit walks. recommend using otter pops, preferably the flavor you like the least. granted if you like them all, you can always wash it off i guess.

I'm a big proponent of yellow and yellowish-brown bananas, but I'm finding that their fiber content isn't sitting too well with me lately and it's aiding untimely digestion.
I think it's time to switch it up and get on that starchy green banana train.