You lazy shits either didn't read Bucky's rule, or didn't care about his plea. Instead of waiting for that to get to 50, you should have created a new thread for him to ignore. Let's be honest though, Bucky can't keep away from the poop thread, he'll crack eventually.

I'M HERE LET'S DO THIS.

I'll start. I wasn't going to share this story, but having no shame is the ticket to the White House now, so it'll be worth it. I must have ate something bad last night because I had pretty bad diarrhea at work. I thought I'd be able to grin and bear it, but then I threw up and some of the diarrhea decided to join in on the fun. Now I'm home and feeling a lot better than I did pre-deadly combo, so it's a win-win.

Back before college I was a once a week shitter. It was the golden age of defecation. I took pride in quality over quantity but something changed, and I really don't recall what. I was on the road a ton during November and December and without the friendly confines of home court advantage I had to revamp the playbook. No longer were the days of the 1.5 dumps a day, solitude, wet wipes and soft toilet paper available. When you step into a visiting bathroom you have to throw all of those expectations away. Even if you get a nice room like let's say at the eazy-8, you have the privacy yet there is that sheer feeling of coldness that takes over. It still is not a conducive environment for bringing your "A" game.

So I was in flagstaff for a couple of days sans dump. We decided a trip to chilli's for happy hour and apps was in order after a day of snowboarding and before the 2+ hour trip home. We both got the sampler for appetizers and I got the ribs for the main course. It was a feast for for a king. There was plenty left over and I requested a takeout box. Goodness like this should be stretched out for maximum pleasure. Then it hit... I went from like zero to sixty in 4.5 seconds. The place was busy, we were getting ready to go, this was not the opportune to go. I've gone the past 48 without as much of a relief and have gone way longer than that earlier in my career. This was not the day where I get to choose.

Taking a dump at chilli's during happy hour is like being the visiting team at the pavilion against Villanova. It's crowded, confined and outdated. This chilli's must seat 200 yet two stalls and a urinal is sufficient in an area the size of my walk in closet. Well luckily I didn't have to wait. I had someone in the stall next to me finishing up. Usually I wait for that person to leave before getting on with my business. Today though the bathroom was under constant attack, I didn't think there would be that perfect time. It was time to let it rip, no pleasure all business. The neighbor in the stall heard things he could've only imagined but never heard before. He took off fast before the full extent of the damage. Suddenly I had the bathroom for myself. It was time to analyze the damage done and kick back and relax, realizing this was one your top ten performances. A few minutes passes until someone comes in, apparently I underestimated the damage. He starts gagging and leaving the bathroom in a frenzy. I don't know if he told a friend or if it was just another restaurant patron but less than a minute later it was replay from the earlier incident. I knew I had to escape and quickly. While I was just finishing the last wipe someone else entered, by the look of the shoes it appeared to be the restaurant manager. once that door closed behind him I heard a cry of "Holy shit" and he immediately left with no solution to the problem. I finally finished up, washed my hands and made my exit. Never did I see so many horrified glances staring at me as I made my way back to the table. Fortunately we already paid the check. My friend asked me what took so long and what was all the commotion about in the back there. All I could say is that we better leave like right now.

Never before have I experienced an EPIC performance on the road.

Something to tell the grandkids.

Was poopin with the door closed and unlocked, the cats were outside trying to get in as usual, scratching at the door etc. then one of them jumped and turned the door knob and the other pushed the door open.

I'll be ready for them next time

Clever girls

I'm not reading that

my thing is I cant pee sitting down anymore so I poop, wipe, flush, then stand up pee, flush, then wash my hands. I don't know if that's dick cancer or what.

Youseff wrote:my thing is I cant pee sitting down anymore so I poop, wipe, flush, then stand up pee, flush, then wash my hands. I don't know if that's dick cancer or what.

No, that's inefficient and an awful waste of the earth's precious resources.

So I'm sitting there, taking a dump at home this afternoon, when I hear this buzzing. There was a bee in my bathroom. On January 12! In northcentral PA!

Youseff wrote:my thing is I cant pee sitting down anymore so I poop, wipe, flush, then stand up pee, flush, then wash my hands. I don't know if that's dick cancer or what.

Why not stand pee, then sit to shit.

Youseff wrote:my thing is I cant pee sitting down anymore so I poop, wipe, flush, then stand up pee, flush, then wash my hands. I don't know if that's dick cancer or what.

this is completely fucked

Beets corn and beans. So much of that in my diet lately.

Felt like I was going into labor this morning driving to work. Empty pit feeling in the stomach, knew a blowout was creepin. Had to inhale exhale the last 10 minutes and rush to the toliet.

702 wrote:Felt like I was going into labor this morning driving to work. Empty pit feeling in the stomach, knew a blowout was creepin. Had to inhale exhale the last 10 minutes and rush to the toliet.

so you were breathing?

Had aloo gosht for dinner last night. Nuf said.

Had to drop one in a port-o-potty about 1/3 of the way into a half marathon today. My ass was already sweaty, so I didn't feel as disgusted as usual.

...followed that up with a glorious drop floating on a pristine potty near It's a Small World.

The Dude wrote:

702 wrote:Felt like I was going into labor this morning driving to work. Empty pit feeling in the stomach, knew a blowout was creepin. Had to inhale exhale the last 10 minutes and rush to the toliet.

so you were breathing?

I found driving standing up also helps in these situations.