Baumannisms

by **phdave** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 13:09:27

Maybe we need a breakout "Discuss the Bauminisms Thread" thread.

by **smitty** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 13:17:47

The funniest part about this whole brew-hah-ha is most of this thread is unedited Baumanisms posted without comment.

by **Houshphandzadeh** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 13:39:37

smitty wrote:The funniest part about this whole brew-hah-ha is most of this thread is unedited Baumanisms posted without comment.

the salad days

by **phdave** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 14:09:22

I remember getting a little heart flutter when I toured the Louisville Slugger museum when I was in college (yes, I did spring break in Louisville one year) and they were making Fasano’s bats.

by **phdave** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 14:29:05

a little kid at a Flyers-Thrashers game once flipped me off and called me an asshole

by **phdave** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 14:35:15

if you want to call me a Bill Simmons ripoff, but with fewer readers, less money, and a different set of overused pop culture references, so be it. Though if I were to suddenly have his audience and his paycheck, I wouldn’t object. In case anyone from a major sports website is looking for a columnist.

by **slugsrbad** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 14:38:36

phdave wrote:
a little kid at a Flyers-Thrashers game once flipped me off and called me an asshat

Future President.

by **smitty** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 14:40:17

phdave wrote:
if you want to call me a Bill Simmons ripoff, but with fewer readers, less money, and a different set of overused pop culture references, so be it. Though if I were to suddenly have his audience and his paycheck, I wouldn’t object. In case anyone from a major sports website is looking for a columnist.

Does MAD Magazine have a web site because he'd do good there. Lol. Omg.

by **Barry Jive** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 15:15:28

Phylan wrote:
Barry Jive wrote:Great thanks for continuing this thrilling argument

Sorry did I pull you away from Reading Two or Three Sentences A Guy Wrote

well yes

by **phdave** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 15:22:10

I’m a cat owner. I love my cat, even if she doesn’t love me back, but such is life. If, God forbid, something were to happen to her, I’d be very upset. I’d probably be sad for quite some time, but I’d try to adjust. If, after a sufficient mourning period, I still felt lonely or lost without a cat, I’d get another. Now imagine that, upon the improvement of my mood, I decided that more pets would make me feel even better.

And imagine that I went out and bought a Neapolitan Mastiff.

I’ve never owned a dog. Now, I can believe that, over time, I might grow to love a 150-pound slobber machine. Maybe give him an ironic name, like “Tinkerbell,” and enjoy his jowly company. But I’m not sure my life would be better off. I do know that, over time, I’d forget what life was like when it was just me and a cat that ignored me.

The designated hitter is Tinkerbell, the Neapolitan Mastiff who eats four cubic feet of Kibbles ‘n Bits each week, thinks he owns the couch, and likes to sit on your head when you sleep.

by **Wizlah** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 15:58:24

About an hour and a half ago, I was fucked beyond tiredness, and I read the last couple of pages of this thread, and it really cheered me up and gave me the energy to cycle as far as the supermarket. Even with all the poxy bitching, it’s still funny.

Still though, Floppy and phdave, you guys are sounding not like you guys, so I reckon you should stop getting bitchy with phylan. Let him get all bitchy with himself and it will be fine.

And Phylan, I hardly know ye since I think I quit before you were posting regularly, but your mate writes some bad poker-arsed po-faced bullshit from time to time, and it’s up online, so he going to take his knocks, especially if he gets phdave’s dander up. I mean, who needs a youtube of Hitler swearing at Baumann? Tho’ it might be funny. Phdave is funny.

Man, my arse and legs are killing me. I’m going now. But to recap:

a) thread is funny
b) baumann will soon write better or disappear up his own arse with a poker (he’s young, yeah? That shit will totally work itself out).
c) Keep your heads up people. Fight till the end.
d) Fuck the barves. I mean, really, fuck them with pox and dynamite and rabid, engorged, rancid fucking Chihuahuas.

by **Woody** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 16:05:51

Oh, hey Wiz

by **Phylan** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 16:51:44

smitty wrote:The funniest part about this whole brew-hah-ha is most of this thread is unedited Baumanisms posted without comment.

I think the funniest part is actually that most of the impetus for this thread was phdave being a bitter child about Baumann's pessimism about the Phillies entering the season, and his pessimism about their wild card chances for the last week or week and a half.

And y'know, look how irrational that turned out to be.

by **smitty** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 16:58:03

Phylan wrote:
smitty wrote:The funniest part about this whole brew-hah-ha is most of this thread is unedited Baumanisms posted without comment.

I think the funniest part is actually that most of the impetus for this thread was phdave being a bitter child about Baumann's pessimism about the Phillies entering the season, and his pessimism about their wild card chances for the last week or week and a half.

And y'know, look how irrational that turned out to be.

Rationality was never the point. You still don't get that.

This is baseball. When some dope wants to lecture real baseball fans on how to be fans it's not good.

When he wants everyone to be a rational miserable doofus like he is it's worse.

Baseball is a game you can enjoy in many ways and hoping for your team to make a miraculous comeback is the way I like to follow my team. It's been that way for me for decades.

So when some guy says I should be like him and compare my love of baseball and the Phillies to his failed relationship with some girl in Canada, I'm gonna laugh a lot.

Dave has done a great job of simply posting this guys unintentionally hilarious writings. It's been fun.

but fun really has no place in baseball. It's like when I tried to get back with my ex. LOL. OMG.

by **Phylan** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 17:03:07

There's nothing for me to "get." You can think whatever you want about baseball and watch it however you want, I give zero fucks. I would never judge you for being mega-optimistic or whatever. The point is that we're talking about two utterly defensible positions that phdave is crying like a baby about.

by **smitty** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 17:22:36

Jeez Lou Weez. I'm not talking about you. Baumann's own words are what is funny about this thread. That's that last I'm gonna say.

by **phdave** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 17:23:30

phdave wrote:Maybe we need a breakout "Discuss the Bauminisms Thread" thread.

I was not joking about this. Can a mod do this and pull out the extraneous comments? It would clean up the troll problem and we can go back to enjoying the thread. I have no idea how much work is involved so feel free to ignore this request if it is not worth the trouble.

by **joe table** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 17:28:01

Holy shit what universe do I live in that BSG posters feel the need to defend their mockery of Mike fucking Baumann

Fuck Mike Baumann. He's not funny, has produced little evidence that he has any meaningful insights into the game of baseball, and he's preternaturally negative (which is something to be derided in its own right). He's like a poor man's Carson Cistulli, without the actual saber chops

by **Phylan** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 17:39:45

Hahahaha PLEASE mods clear my thread of dissenting opinion

by **Benny Lava** » Sun Sep 16, 2012 17:41:47

the righteous struggle is never easy phylan, just like the jews you will be rememberd as a freedom fighter

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