Corny Jokes

by **Bucky** » Fri May 03, 2019 13:18:02

comedians

by **D2S** » Fri May 03, 2019 13:18:48

They told you?

by **thephan** » Wed May 08, 2019 11:25:19

Senior client said, "he doesn't understand how cemeteries make money"

I told him that, "its all sunk costs"

by **Bucky** » Sat May 11, 2019 13:36:35

When the Village People were forming, they were courted by both the legendary John Hammond at Columbia Records and Lew Wasserman at the label he ran at the time. Most of the band wanted to definitely go with Hammond, but the singer held out and wanted to go with Wasserman. The rest of the band could not figure out his reasoning- after all, Columbia was bigger and offering more money. And thus was born the song "Why MCA?"

by **Slowhand** » Sat Aug 31, 2019 18:44:16

A group of tourists was visiting a monastery. One tourist peaked into the kitchen and saw a man frying chips and asked “Are you the friar?”.
The man replied, “No, I’m the chip monk”.

by **Bucky** » Thu Sep 05, 2019 13:34:12

in an effort to supplement their reduced funding, the national park service has sold naming rights for a giant gorge in western pennsylvania to a mexican fast-food restaurant. The landmark will now be known as "Taco Bell's Canyon".

by **Slowhand** » Thu Sep 05, 2019 16:31:27

What would happen if the Devil went bald?

[Reveal] Spoiler:

There’d be Hell toupee

(or Tupay)

by **Bucky** » Fri Sep 06, 2019 07:41:24

Where should you look if you're in the supermarket shopping for a Gilligan?

[Reveal] Spoiler:

In Gilligan's Aisle.

by **Uncle Milty** » Fri Sep 06, 2019 07:47:05

Why did the shepherd responsible for counting the sheep get fired?

[Reveal] Spoiler:

He kept falling asleep on the job.

by **TomatoPie** » Mon Sep 16, 2019 11:21:25

Pop star Beyoncé is the eldest of music legend Lionel Richie's 3 daughters.

[Reveal] Spoiler:

Her younger sisters are Betwicé & Bethreetimesaladeé

by **traderdave** » Mon Sep 16, 2019 16:59:38

Why do they call it hummus?

[Reveal] Spoiler:

Because it doesn't know the words

by **thephan** » Sat Sep 21, 2019 20:48:00

[Reveal] Spoiler:

Nothin to see here.

by **D2S** » Tue Sep 24, 2019 14:20:12

The price of deer testicles has gone through the roof these days.

[Reveal] Spoiler:

They used to be under a buck.

by **swishnicholson** » Wed Nov 06, 2019 17:15:46

by **Bucky** » Mon Mar 23, 2020 12:24:54

What to you get when you cross a cook with an injury lawyer??

[Reveal] Spoiler:

a sue chef

by **slugsrbad** » Mon Mar 23, 2020 12:35:46

A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbit walk into a blood drive. The rabbit says "I think I'm Type-O."

by **Slowhand** » Fri Apr 17, 2020 14:31:19

by **Rockinghorse** » Sun May 17, 2020 09:17:29

Forgot to put this in my Kimmy Schmidt/Netflix post, but wanted to share the scene from when they find themselves in a redneck bar in West Virginia:

Kimmy: How far away is that?
Redneck: 'Bout a hundred miles as the crow walks. (turns to others) I'm telling y'all, there's something wrong with the crows round here!

by **swishnicholson** » Tue Sep 22, 2020 01:43:04

by **Monkeyboy** » Tue Sep 22, 2020 05:02:01

One day a baby polar bear went up to his mother and father polar bears and asked, "Am I 100% polar bear?"

Mother says: Of course you are!
Father says: 100%!

Next day the baby polar bear shuffles over to his parents again and asks, "Are you sure I'm 100% polar bear?"

Mother says: Of course you are!
Father says: You're polar bear through and through!

The next day comes and the baby polar bear is looking even more dejected and upset and he says to his parents, "Are you absolutely positive I'm 100% polar bear?"

Mother says: Oh my goodness, you are our son, 100% polar bear!
Father says: 100%!

Next day arrives and the baby polar bear looks absolutely distraught and asks his parents one more time,"Are you sure I'm 100% polar bear and I don't have a little black bear or grizzly in me?"

Mother says: Don't be silly, you don't have any black bear or grizzly in you!"
Father says: This is crazy! Why do you keep asking us if you're 100% polar bear?

Baby polar bear says:

[Reveal] Spoiler:

"Because I'm fucking freezing."

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