TenuredVulture wrote:
You want to be in alcohol sweet spot of confident yet completely lucid and articulate.

hmm, yea, don't even think of trying to calibrate this on game day

Slowhand wrote:

mickbayne wrote:I was best man for my brother when I was like 21 or 22. Got pretty drunk and mentioned that the whole family thought he was gay until the first time he introduced us to his wife. Threw in a "not that there's anything wrong with that" line, as well. Got a lot of laughs but I cringe every time I think of it now.

Yeah, I'd avoid Seinfeld quotes like the plague

Yadda yadda yadda is still strong

went to one where the maid of honor talked about their old married neighbors and one of them got cancer and she hopes nothing bad ever happens to them but if it did theyd be so strong for each other and whatnot like this couple.

i mean i get the sentiment, but goddamn. cancer is on the no list for wedding speeches.

i try and fit debilitating depression and suicide into mine to lighten the mood

and Hitler. Try to work him in there somehow

mickbayne wrote:I was best man for my brother when I was like 21 or 22. Got pretty drunk and mentioned that the whole family thought he was gay until the first time he introduced us to his wife. Threw in a "not that there's anything wrong with that" line, as well. Got a lot of laughs but I cringe every time I think of it now.

I had a similar moment at my brother's wedding. Didn't really prepare anything and got drunk...I ended up saying something like, "I don't know of any two people ho need to get married more than they do." There was an audible gasp, people laughed and they had to answer pregnancy questions the rest of the night. Cringe-worthy when I think about it.

They are getting divorced now. There is probably no correlation, there.

The best I ever heard was at my cousin's wedding. Both the bride and groom's first names start with the letter 'M'. The toast was simply, "To M and M, may your lives be as sweet and colorful as your namesake."

The Dude wrote:i try and fit debilitating depression and suicide into mine to lighten the mood

So you mention your penis, etc.

anyone ever lance their own finger infection?

The best Maid of Honor speech I've ever heard was when the MOH dug up a stack of old notes that she and the bride had passed during classes in junior high. It helped if you've known them for a long time, but everyone was in tears laughing.

The Dude wrote:i try and fit debilitating depression and suicide into mine to lighten the mood

The Armenian genocide is an underrated best man topic.

I finally found out what OMG means.

Outlaw Motorcycle Gang.

http://www.justice.gov/criminal/ocgs/ga ... cycle.html

GGSA.

I got $100 from the FindMePhilly dude. He happened to be a block from my house right as I was getting home from work.

Woo! Welcome to the club my friend. He is a weird guy. Don't know what his end game is.

Yeah not really sure what his deal is. He said he wants to get to 10 or 20 thousand followers and maybe the Phillies will start giving him tickets to give out. I was winner number 80. I think he picked up a couple sponsors along the way but can't imagine they've covered the entire $8k.

So... The show Scrotal Recall has three main characters and my kids share the names of two of them. I won't be watching that.

Houshphandzadeh wrote:anyone ever lance their own finger infection?

This is a pretty deep YouTube hole you can fall in

I'm really not into doctor visits so it's probably gonna happen

I've got a best man speech to give in August. I'm either going to make it as short as humanly possible or I'm going to drop as many Simpsons references as I can and make myself laugh.

kruker wrote:I've got a best man speech to give in August. I'm either going to make it as short as humanly possible or I'm going to drop as many Simpsons references as I can and make myself laugh.

Want dem bridesmaids moaning not groening

Houshphandzadeh wrote:I'm really not into doctor visits so it's probably gonna happen

You'll probably be fine--sterilize everything of course, and make sure it doesn't get worse, in which case you'll need antibiotics.

rooting for the Kentucky kid in the spelling bee. hasn't taken longer than 24 seconds to spell a word yet. just gets up there and spells it. no asking definitions, origin, etc.