Baumannisms

Re: Baumannisms

Postby smitty » Sat Jun 29, 2013 17:31:43

I'm certainly no Baumann I fear.

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Re: Baumannisms

Postby etched Chaos » Sat Jun 29, 2013 18:12:22

Let's examine Domonic Brown and his future struggles, he struck-out last night and in that moment of failure I realised that he is for all intent's and purposes doomed to fail. Much like my childhood dreams of being a mumbly peg superstar, it all fell apart in one anarchic second. There I was, a Mumbly Peg giant, trampling the memories of fellow alums like 4ft Dave and Chubby Chad with my Wiliam Tell-esque skills, staring down the barrel of Mumbly Peg immortality. Holding my trusty knife, a tool so honed to perfection that failure could never taint my career, I felt like Johnny Van Der Meer, mowing down batter after batter after batter.

But my arrogance was to be my undoing, like Ruben Amaro Junior, a man of whom will forever be equated with mediocrity, I thought my success could never end, that I was above such petty things like slumps or defeat. I threw my knife like always with precision and the perfect aiming skills that only a man with the deep well of talent like I could, but like the Cardinals winning the Division Series in 2011, an act of god was to be my undoing. As the knife spun end over end towards the loamy turf, a gust of wind, that only fate could've unleashed pushed it away from the spot I had so perfectly aimed at and into my unwary foot.

The pain was beyond words, as my once trusted knife stood erect, piercing my foot with cruel irony, I was crushed, defeated, a failure.

Since that fateful moment I have never been able to reach the heights I was destined for, every Mumbly Peg challenge I decline, too ashamed to play again. If God had decreed that I should never be the best then so be it, who am I to fight the wheels of fate? In my younger days I was arrogant enough to think I could, to think that not even God could stop me, but I was naive.

That is why Domonic Brown will fail.
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Re: Baumannisms

Postby bleh » Sat Jun 29, 2013 18:19:46


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Re: Baumannisms

Postby smitty » Sat Jun 29, 2013 19:21:41

That was real good EC. Too many baseball references though. The key to the Baumann is you use a bunch of similes and metaphors and stuff that have nothing to do with anything. Then at the very end you do the big reveal. It was about baseball all along.

Or something.

Baumann is the true master of the form.

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Re: Baumannisms

Postby etched Chaos » Sat Jun 29, 2013 19:43:54

smitty wrote:That was real good EC. Too many baseball references though. The key to the Baumann is you use a bunch of similes and metaphors and stuff that have nothing to do with anything. Then at the very end you do the big reveal. It was about baseball all along.

Or something.

Baumann is the true master of the form.


I know, but I'm incapable of being that tangential, so I went with my best effort. I could probably edit it into a Baumann like masterpiece if I had an hour or so. But fuck exerting that much effort to truly emulate such a horrible writer.
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Re: Baumannisms

Postby phdave » Tue Jul 02, 2013 17:35:04

I’d have Wade. You see, it’s been a really easy narrative device this season to say that the Phillies are going to pot rapidly because they don’t have an analytics department. That’s utter bullshit, peddled to us by thoughtless men looking to fill pages or text boxes with easy conclusions. Much like myself. You can win without embracing “sabermetrics,” whatever that means anymore. You can go old school as hell and still win games, particularly when you’re endowed with the vast financial resources the Phillies have. You can do this without running a single regression, without understanding Bayesian statistics as anything under than a count of the houses you have on the western side of Long Beach Island.

You do that by doing what the Phillies did from when Wade took over to when Amaro took over: you pour all of your money, energy and resources into scouting and player development. You hit an absurd run of good with first-round draft picks, bagging Pat Burrell, Brett Myers, Chase Utley and Cole Hamels, adding Ryan Madson and Ryan Howard with mid-round picks. That’s six Wade picks in five years constituting the top two starting pitchers, a dominant reliever and the 3-4-5 hitters on a team that won the World Series. You make smart decisions with your high draft picks and get the best developmental staff you can.

Which is what Ed Wade did, and you know what? He took a team that had been worth a crap once in the past 15 years and turned it into a perennial contender. Now, that ultimately wound up not amounting to anything during Wade’s tenure, and I don’t think Wade was a good GM on balance, but it’s hard to argue that he didn’t lay the groundwork for a team that ended up winning a title.
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Re: Baumannisms

Postby etched Chaos » Tue Jul 02, 2013 17:37:07

So the Baumann solution is to luckbox the draft? I'm shocked he hasn't advocated stinking it up so you can draft once in a generation talents in consecutive seasons.
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Re: Baumannisms

Postby phdave » Tue Jul 02, 2013 17:46:31

etched Chaos wrote:So the Baumann solution is to luckbox the draft? I'm shocked he hasn't advocated stinking it up so you can draft once in a generation talents in consecutive seasons.


You mean like Pat Burrell and JD Drew...I mean Eric Valent?
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Re: Baumannisms

Postby mcare89 » Tue Jul 02, 2013 18:16:11

Not to mention...

Pat Burrell - #1 overall pick
Brett Myers -#12 overall pick
Chase Utley - #15 overall pick
Cole Hamels - #17 overall pick

#1 picks in the Amaro administration: #27 (forfeited), #27, #33 (forfeited), #16

It's a little easier to hit on first rounders when you're consistently picking higher in the draft. Plus let's not forget that absurd run also included Gavin Floyd at #4, the JD Drew clownshow, and Greg Golson.

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Re: Baumannisms

Postby The Nightman Cometh » Tue Jul 02, 2013 18:18:00

Floyd is fine
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Re: Baumannisms

Postby mcare89 » Tue Jul 02, 2013 18:33:59

The Nightman Cometh wrote:Floyd is fine

Wasn't for us. I know he turned out fine elsewhere, but Wade yo-yoed the crap out of him.

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Re: Baumannisms

Postby phdave » Tue Jul 02, 2013 18:40:59

mcare89 wrote:
The Nightman Cometh wrote:Floyd is fine

Wasn't for us. I know he turned out fine elsewhere, but Wade yo-yoed the crap out of him.


I think you are thinking of Gillick. Floyd only made a September call up appearance under Wade.
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Re: Baumannisms

Postby smitty » Tue Jul 02, 2013 18:44:42

phdave wrote:
mcare89 wrote:
The Nightman Cometh wrote:Floyd is fine

Wasn't for us. I know he turned out fine elsewhere, but Wade yo-yoed the crap out of him.


I think you are thinking of Gillick. Floyd only made a September call up appearance under Wade.


We COULDDA HAD TEXIERIA or whoever that guy is.

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Re: Baumannisms

Postby phdave » Tue Jul 02, 2013 18:55:22

smitty wrote:
phdave wrote:
mcare89 wrote:
The Nightman Cometh wrote:Floyd is fine

Wasn't for us. I know he turned out fine elsewhere, but Wade yo-yoed the crap out of him.


I think you are thinking of Gillick. Floyd only made a September call up appearance under Wade.


We COULDDA HAD TEXIERIA or whoever that guy is.


Good point. I think it was Glaus. But we didn't need Glaus because we already had a great 3rd baseman Rolen who was going to go right from retiring as a Phillie into the HOF until that plan didn't work. But we got teams to empty their farm system for Curt Schilling in 2000 and Rolen in 2002 so it really didn't matter that we lost the #2 pick in the 1997 draft. Ed Wade really knew how to build championship teams.
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Re: Baumannisms

Postby mcare89 » Tue Jul 02, 2013 22:05:30

phdave wrote:
mcare89 wrote:
The Nightman Cometh wrote:Floyd is fine

Wasn't for us. I know he turned out fine elsewhere, but Wade yo-yoed the crap out of him.


I think you are thinking of Gillick. Floyd only made a September call up appearance under Wade.

Hmmm. You're right. My bad.

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Re: Baumannisms

Postby phdave » Sat Jul 06, 2013 13:37:40

In Whose Management Do I Have the Most Trust? 1) Sixers…..(huge gap)….2) Eagles 3) Flyers 4) Phillies
That last one is interesting, because I’d take the Sixers’ management mostly because they’re new. The same goes for Chip Kelly. We know Paul Holmgren and Ruben Amaro and we’ve lived through their mistakes. Both seem to prefer old, expensive players to young, cheap players. Both tend to neglect the draft but have a flair for splashy trades. The Flyers’ bad moves aren’t quite as bad as the Phillies’ bad moves, but their mistakes hurt more because of the salary cap. I guess the tiebreaker is that the Flyers seem to be better at acquiring and developing young players than the Phillies are? I dunno. We’re all screwed.
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Re: Baumannisms

Postby etched Chaos » Sat Jul 06, 2013 13:42:02

Uh, how does Ruben neglect the draft? Under his tutelage we've drafted/signed some good talent, or does Baumann not know about Maikel yet?
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Re: Baumannisms

Postby phdave » Sat Jul 06, 2013 14:10:02

A few lost first rounders due to free agent signings I guess. Or not drafting the right players, but that isn't exactly neglecting. I don't know. They seemed to intentionally avoid free agents who would cause a loss of a draft pick this past off season, so that was not neglect. I don't know. I try not to think too hard about what he writes, especially when it seems he is trying hard to tell the goth crowd what they want to hear.
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Re: Baumannisms

Postby etched Chaos » Sat Jul 06, 2013 14:14:37

phdave wrote:A few lost first rounders due to free agent signings I guess. Or not drafting the right players, but that isn't exactly neglecting. I don't know. They seemed to intentionally avoid free agents who would cause a loss of a draft pick this past off season, so that was not neglect. I don't know. I try not to think too hard about what he writes, especially when it seems he is trying hard to tell the goth crowd what they want to hear.


Fucking goth crowd suckups.
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Re: Baumannisms

Postby smitty » Sat Jul 06, 2013 14:17:58

etched Chaos wrote:Uh, how does Ruben neglect the draft? Under his tutelage we've drafted/signed some good talent, or does Baumann not know about Maikel yet?


FFS we couldda had JACKIE BRADLEY!!!! Junior even.

Thanks Amaro.

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